From Parent to Coach: Support Without Smothering


There’s a strange silence that follows the college drop-off. One moment you’re figuring out financial aid and twin XL sheets, the next you’re in a quiet kitchen wondering if they’re eating anything besides cereal. You’ve crossed a threshold. But you haven’t crossed out your role. It’s the beginning of a new chapter and a new role.

College is the beginning of a new chapter for both you and your student. Your student doesn’t need a daily play-by-play or a backup scheduler. They need a steady presence in the background that helps them reflect, recover, and move forward.

They need a coach.

At many colleges, students are assigned a formal “Student Success Coach” to help them with the transition to college. These folks are trained professionals who help guide your students through the college. They are often assigned to 100+ students, so while these efforts are powerful, your student will also need your support to amplify and supplement existing support systems.

Your job, as a Parent-Coach, is to understand and align well with the resources already present at the college that you are paying for to maximize your impact. You can do so by attending college orientation and meeting some of the people in charge of these support programs.

Coaching is a new muscle for most parents. And research on role transition is clear: when people step into a new identity (whether it’s manager, mentor, or, yes, college parent), they’re clumsy at first. They overcorrect. They second-guess. It’s normal. You won’t get it right every time. But if your posture is rooted in love and respect, you’ll grow into it.

So take a deep breath. You’re not being demoted. You’re being invited into a new role—one that still matters deeply.

Write your coaching purpose.

Before the semester begins, write your personal purpose statement as a parent-coach. You don’t need to share it with your student. This one is just for you. It anchors your role and gives you something to return to when you’re tempted to over-text, over-solve, or overreact.

Here’s a template to get you started:

My purpose as a parent-coach this semester is to help my student build confidence, resilience, and ownership of their college journey. I will prioritize connection over control, growth over perfection, and long-term formation over short-term fixes.

Now, choose three key coaching priorities to guide your check-ins. These will become your internal compass for what matters most during the first semester.

Remember: the goal is heart connection, not flawless execution.

More than anything, your student needs to know you’re in their corner. Through the stress, the silence, and especially the screw-ups.

Keep a heart connection. That’s the oxygen line. Let them know every chance they get that you’re proud of them because of who they are and the effort they are putting in.

One of the most impactful things a coach can say is also the simplest: I believe in you. You won’t always have the right question or say the perfect thing. It’s about showing up with steadiness and warmth and saying, “I’m here.”

What’s next?

This fall, don’t overthink the logistics. Start with the coaching mindset. The rest—like how to structure check-ins, how to ask better questions, and what to say when they’re struggling—can come next. We’ll get there.

For now, begin with this: write your coaching purpose. Choose your three priorities. Develop a success plan around what matters most: staying connected in a way that builds confidence and trust.

You’ve got this, Coach!

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