The college application season can be one of the most exciting times in your family’s life.
As a parent, you’ve undoubtedly watched your child work hard for years — balancing school, activities, family, and social life, and whatever else has come their way. Now, the time has come to see where all that effort might lead.
With genuine curiosity and often the best of intentions, friends, family, co-workers, and fellow parents may occasionally, or even quite often, ask for details about how your child’s application process is going. And it’s natural to be inclined to openly share about one or more aspects of your child’s journey – such as schools that are of greatest interest, standardized test scores, applications submitted, and/or college decisions received.
But it’s important to remember that the college application process is deeply personal and can be filled with a wide range of emotions. Some view college acceptances and rejections as measures of success, forgetting that these outcomes often capture only a fraction of who a student is or what their potential may be. And since details revealed can never be recalled, practicing a bit of discretion can go a long way toward protecting your child’s confidence and your family’s privacy and peace of mind.
So, before you start sharing details about your own child’s experience or getting into conversations with others about the status of your child’s peers, it’s worth taking a step back for a number of reasons.
Why Privacy Matters
Beneath the excitement of college season often lies a layer of quiet competition — sometimes between students, sometimes among parents and/or others. Comparisons about standardized test scores, acceptances received, scholarship offers, and other details can create pressure or disappointment for students who are already navigating an emotional and uncertain terrain. Too often, students see college admissions decisions as a reflection of their self-worth or abilities. By being thoughtful about what information is shared, by whom, with whom, and when, you can help your family and student focus on their own journey — and not how it measures up to someone else’s.
Start With a Family Conversation
Before applications go out, have a candid conversation about privacy. Ask your student how much they feel they want others to know now and as the senior year progresses. For instance:
- Are they comfortable sharing which schools they’re applying to?
- If so, are they comfortable with you telling extended family, family friends, or other parents proactively or when asked? Or would they want to be the ones to exclusively share this level of detail?
- When there are developments along the way, who will share updates — you, your child, both? And with whom and when?
Agreeing on these boundaries upfront can prevent misunderstandings and upset later. Some students and families prefer to keep things completely private until all decisions arrive, while others are fine with offering occasional updates to a select group. There’s no single right approach, only the one that makes your child feel most supported.
Ways to Manage Questions
Since it’s inevitable that people will ask — out of genuine care, curiosity, or otherwise, you can help your child (and yourself and family) by preparing simple, polite responses such as:
- “We’re still waiting to hear back.”
- “They’ve applied to a range of schools and we’re all excited to see how things unfold.”
- “We’ll share news once everything’s finalized.”
These kinds of replies acknowledge interest while preserving privacy. They also help keep conversations light and positive, rather than veering into stressful comparisons or unnecessary speculation.
Guarding Financial Detail
When acceptance letters start rolling in, there’s often a temptation to share the good news —and to include information about scholarship offers and aid packages. But money is a sensitive topic, and sharing too many details can lead to uncomfortable comparisons or unintended judgment. You and your child may want to consider celebrating quietly with those closest to your family.
Keeping Perspective
While it’s easy to get swept up in how others are doing, it’s important to remember that at its heart, the college application process isn’t about prestige or competition — it’s about your child finding the right fit for themself. The goal is to help your child land in a place where they can grow, learn, and thrive — and in one that is a good financial fit for your family.
By setting clear boundaries around what you share and when, you create emotional safety and breathing room for all involved. And you help keep the focus where it truly belongs — on the exciting journey your child is about to begin.
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