For families with younger siblings, the summer before a high school grad leaves for college can be bring up a wide range of emotions for those soon to be left behind.
The period leading up to college isn’t just a time of transition for the student who’s leaving and for their parents. It’s often the first time that younger siblings begin to truly recognize and understand that family life as they have always known it is changing in what may feel like a very uncertain way.
Younger sibling emotions may run high or inconsistent during this time due to a variety of factors. Parents and college-bound grads sometimes underestimate just how much younger brothers and sisters may have absorbed from the highs and lows that they witnessed through the college search and acceptance/rejection process, through the endless discussions or debates about which school to ultimately attend, through what may have sounded like concerning conversations about college costs and how they could be covered, and/or simply through so much attention being placed on the now recent grad throughout their entire senior year. It’s important to recognize that it’s very likely that younger brothers and/or sisters were watching and listening even when it may have seemed they were not.
Here are 8 tips for navigating the transition together:
- Acknowledge that younger siblings likely have mixed emotions. Younger brothers and sisters may feel proud of and excited for their older sibling, but also sad, anxious, jealous, and/or worried about what changes may be around the corner. Their feelings may show up as clinginess, distance, irritability, rebellion, or in some other form.
- Get clear on and attempt to resolve issues of concern.
Whether a younger sibling is wondering who, if anyone, will “get” the departing grad’s bedroom or bicycle, or wondering if there will be any money left for them to pursue their own academic dreams when their time comes, encouraging younger siblings to express their specific concerns will help you to know what needs to be clarified and navigated. Of course, if you’re saving in a 529 plan for one or more younger siblings, let them know you are, as a way to help put their minds at ease about how the cost of their college journey may be covered down the line. - Avoid making the entire summer all about the soon-to-be college student. While celebrations for your recent graduate are definitely in order and sufficient time must be spent getting them ready for their big send-off, be sure to find ways to acknowledge and celebrate younger siblings as well. They may be in need of some extra attention and in need of reassurance that they matter too and that everything will be alright.
- Talk honestly about how family dynamics will shift. With the upcoming departure of one sibling, rights and responsibilities may change for the others. Suddenly becoming the “oldest” sibling in the house, for instance, may come with more obligations and/or more freedoms. Having candid discussions about topics from chores to curfews can help to prepare younger siblings and reduce uncertainty.
- Create sibling memories. While you shouldn’t try to force every summer moment into a memory-making event, the weeks and months before your grad leaves can be a wonderful time for your children to further build connection and create lasting memories. Letting them decide together what they’d most enjoy doing is a great approach. Activities might include revisiting childhood traditions, taking day trips, enjoying movie or game nights, taking long walks, staying up extra late, and/or sharing favorite meals or ice cream sundaes.
- Let younger siblings be involved in the college process.
Whether it’s helping their older sibling shop for college supplies and dorm decor, beginning the packing process, or making a playlist for the drive to college, inclusion can help younger siblings feel part of the transition instead of feeling left behind by it. - Encourage a small gift exchange before departure. Suggest that younger and older siblings exchange a little something before college begins. It can be a handwritten letter, a photo collage, or a piece of jewelry or art.
- Remember, this is a transition for parents, too. As parents, you may be simultaneously balancing pride, grief, logistics, finances, and concern for your recent high school graduate and younger children. The season may feel emotionally charged for you, too. While accepting that the family unit will never feel quite the same again, remember that change and growth often go hand in hand. You’ve got this!
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