As a parent of a college-bound teen, it may feel like time passed by at the speed of sound.
One day, you’re excitedly dropping your child off at preschool for a few hours, and the next, you’re on the hunt, with a heavy heart, for extra-long twin bed sheets and other dorm room essentials, trying not to cry in the check-out line at your favorite retailer.
One of my favorite authors, Gretchen Rubin, once said, “The days are long, but the years are short.” That saying can really hit home in the months leading up to a child’s first year of college.
With to-do lists, packing, and last-minute gatherings filling up much of the summer, it’s important to carve out a bit of time to share thoughts you’ve been meaning to pass along.
Five Conversations to have before college drop-off day:
1. “There’s no need to have it all figured out.”
College can feel like a pressure cooker at first, with discussion of majors, career paths, internships, and more. Let your child know it’s fine not to have an academic or career path clearly outlined at this juncture. After all, they’re just starting. And let them hear from you that keeping an open mind will serve them well, and that embracing uncertainty may just lead them in wonderful directions they would have never planned for.
2. “Try not to compare your experience to friends at other colleges.”
There will undoubtedly be one or more high school friends who will look like they’re having the time of their lives at the school they selected. Remind your child that the confidence and joy others may share on social media don’t necessarily represent what’s actually going on. Be sure to mention that their path is their own to embrace and grow from. And perhaps, quietly, remind yourself of this too, as you may begin to hear from parenting friends as well about their children’s seemingly fabulous first-year experiences.
3. “Let’s talk money.”
Money conversations are not always easy, but are essential to have. Be transparent about your family’s available resources and clear about your expectations of how money will be handled when away at school. Explain precisely how much spending money, if any, you’re able to offer, with what frequency, and what you expect that money to cover. And if a credit card is being utilized, share your expectations with respect to its use and bill payment. And lastly, if you’ll be taking withdrawals from a 529 plan account, explain what receipts you’ll need your child to retain for your records of the eligible expenses that the account will cover.
4. “It’s okay if everything doesn’t go as planned.”
Let your child know that a “perfect” college experience is both unrealistic and likely unattainable. Maybe they’ll switch majors more than once or delay deciding on one in the first place. Maybe their roommate won’t be exactly what they expected, or the campus vibe may be different from what they had heard it would be. Or perhaps it may take longer than expected to make good friends, and thus, they’ll sometimes feel lonely. Normalize struggle. Let them know that you trust their ability to figure out whatever they encounter, one step at a time. And remind them there’s plenty that can be learned from any challenges they may encounter.
5. “Avail yourself of campus resources.”
Remind your child that they don’t have to navigate college alone. Whether it’s academic support, mental health counseling, career guidance, or medical services, countless campus resources are in place to help them as needs arise. Encourage your child to identify and explore campus services early, even if they’re not sure they’ll need them. Knowing where to turn can make all the difference when challenges arise, and learning to advocate and care for themselves are priceless skills to develop.
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