With midterm grades having likely rolled in, your college student may be celebrating, feeling disappointed, or landing somewhere in between.
As parents, it’s natural to want to know how classes are going and what grades are being received. And if your student shares a grade or grades that you or they find disappointing, your first instinct might be to immediately assume your child’s college or course of study is not a good fit or that sufficient effort is not being put in. Now isn’t the time for drawing conclusions like these. It’s likely too early to tell, especially for first-year students.
Whether your student is thriving or struggling, midterms provide a good opportunity to check in, self-reflect, and make any necessary adjustments before the semester ends. For those who are having a harder time, the most helpful thing you may be able to do is listen, offer encouragement, and perhaps ask a few thoughtful questions.
Here are five ways to consider approaching a conversation about midterm grades.
1. Remind Them That One Grade Doesn’t Define Them
If your student is disappointed with one or more grades, resist the urge to immediately give the grades more meaning than they deserve. Instead, acknowledge your child’s feelings and remind them that one exam, paper, project, or even course doesn’t determine their capability for future success.
What you might say: “I know you were hoping for better grades. But one or more grades don’t define you or your trajectory. What matters is what you learn from the experience and what you do next.”
A little reassurance can go a long way, for both students who may be accustomed to earning high grades with less effort in high school and for those who may have always struggled academically
2. Encourage Them to Recognize What Went Well
While it’s important to identify where there’s room for improvement, it’s also extremely valuable to assess what went well.
Encourage your student to look beyond the overall grade and identify the material they understood well and the types of questions they did better on.
What you might ask: “Were there certain topics or types of questions you felt more confident with? What helped you prepare for those?”
Recognizing areas of strength and competence can build confidence.
3. Help Them Identify What They Missed
Rather than asking, “Why didn’t you do better?” encourage your student to take a closer look at where they lost points if their examination, paper, or project is graded in such a way that makes it easy to identify specific areas for improvement.
Did they misunderstand certain concepts? Did they misread questions or run out of time? Might they have discovered that they weren’t as prepared as they thought they were with respect to certain topics? Or if it was a project or paper, did they carefully check the instructions (or rubric) and turn it in on time?
What you might ask: “Now that you’ve seen the results, do you have a better sense of what you might approach differently next time?”
The goal is not to criticize but rather to encourage reflection.
4. Suggest a Conversation with Their Professor or Teaching Assistant
Many students hesitate to contact professors or teaching assistants outside of class time or to attend scheduled office hours, especially if they’ve never done so before.
Remind your student that professors and teaching assistants welcome questions and want students to succeed. Attending a review session, dropping by during office hours, or scheduling a different time to meet can help demonstrate your student’s interest in their course and commitment to doing well.
What you might say: “Have you thought about stopping by during office hours to review your exam? You might get some helpful insight into what to focus on next.”
5. Ask Whether Their Study Habits—or Study Space—Need Adjusting
Undoubtedly, each year of college brings new distractions, schedules, and responsibilities. Many students need time to figure out how and where they learn and study best.
Studying in a noisy dorm room or studying at the last minute versus a little at a time may have an impact.
What you might ask: “Do you feel like your current study routine is working for you, or is there something you might change?”
A different study location, reviewing notes after each class, obtaining practice questions, or joining a supportive study group could make a difference.
The Bottom Line:
Midterm grades represent a snapshot of how your child is performing, not the whole story. For parents, this is an opportunity to offer support without overstepping or overthinking. After all, your child is learning more than course material. They’re also developing independence, self-awareness, problem-solving skills, and resilience.
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