The first weeks of college often feel like a dream come true. Your student is meeting new people, decorating their dorm, and soaking in the freedom of college life. Then October arrives.
The excitement fades, the workload grows, and homesickness begins to creep in. Maybe there’s radio silence from your students. You, as a parent, just might begin freaking out internally while still trying to maintain your composure. In reality, what your student is experiencing is likely very normal.
College researchers have long described this pattern as the W-Curve of adjustment, first developed by John and Jeanne Gullahorn. It is called the W-Curve because the emotional experience of transition often looks just like the letter W: up, down, up, down, and finally up again. Every peak and valley represents a stage of adjustment, and understanding it can help parents respond with calm and confidence instead of worry.
Stage 1: The Honeymoon (the first upward peak)
At the start of college, students feel excitement, freedom, and belonging. Everything feels new and possible. They talk often, share highlights, and seem more confident than ever. This is the first rise of the W. Parents should enjoy this season and cheer on their student’s enthusiasm, but also remember that it will not stay this easy forever.
Stage 2: Disillusionment (the first dip)
Around mid-semester, the emotional high starts to fade. Academic demands increase, social circles shift, and exhaustion sets in. This is the first drop of the W, often where parents start to get late-night texts about stress or tears. Students may say they are lonely, overwhelmed, or questioning whether they fit in.
What to do: First, listen. Normalize what your student is feeling by explaining that nearly everyone experiences a dip around this time. Define success for your students as simply to keep going. As appropriate, encourage small steps that rebuild connection and confidence, such as attending a study group, talking to a professor, or joining a campus organization. These actions often help lift students out of the slump more effectively than major changes.
Stage 3: Adjustment (the middle rise)
After the initial struggle, most students begin to find rhythm again. They know their schedule, have a few reliable friends, and understand what professors expect. This is the middle climb of the W. Parents may notice that communication becomes more balanced.
What to do: Celebrate small wins. Ask questions about what is working and who has been helpful. Reinforce the progress your student is making rather than focusing on the earlier challenges. This is a key period of confidence-building and resilience.
Stage 4: Fatigue or Re-entry Dip (the second dip)
The second low point often appears near the end of the first semester or after the first long break at home. Returning to campus after time away can feel surprisingly hard. Students may expect things to feel familiar, but instead find themselves readjusting all over again.
What to do: Prepare your student before the return. Remind them that it is normal to feel mixed emotions when transitioning back. Encourage them to revisit the routines and supports that helped them before. Staying active and connected to campus life is the best way to regain momentum.
Stage 5: Confidence and Integration (the final rise)
By the end of the first year, most students feel settled. They know how to balance work, rest, and community. They have learned that challenges do not mean failure but are part of growing up. This final rise in the W marks the point where college begins to feel like home.
What to do: Shift from checking in to cheering on. Recognize how far your student has come and help them reflect on what they have learned about perseverance and independence. Encourage them to use those lessons in future semesters and beyond.
The W-Curve as a lifelong pattern
My fifteen years of working with college students have taught me that the W-Curve is not just a first-year phenomenon. It is an iterative process that can reappear throughout college and even beyond it. Each new challenge, such as a change in major, a difficult internship, or the transition into the workforce, can bring another version of the curve.
The goal is not to avoid these ups and downs but to expect them. As a parent, it is critical that you see your role not as someone to bail your student out (unless it’s a true emergency), but rather as a coach who can coach your student through these natural cycles and rhythms.
When students understand that the W-Curve is normal and temporary, they approach it with greater confidence. Learning to navigate these cycles builds the mindset, resilience, and habits that define success in college and in life after graduation.
Final thought
The W-Curve is rarely a sign that something in college is going wrong. It is a reminder that growth rarely happens in straight lines. Every rise and fall represents learning, adjustment, and the development of strength. When parents understand this pattern and stay steady through it, they help their student build confidence that will serve them well beyond the first year of college.
You’ve got this, Coach!
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